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Marriage Custom

Namtso Lake, a spot for Tibetan wedding ceremony

Proposal
When a man is interested in a lady, he will seek her age, date of birth and her zodiac attribute (i.e mouse, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, sheep, monkey, chicken, dog or pig). With all the information on hand, he will consult an astrologist to check if her attributes are compatible with his. If so and if his parents are pleased with the lady in question, they will get a matchmaker to propose to her family. The matchmaker will bring along Khatag, chang, Yak Butter Tea and other gifts when visiting the lady's family. Her family will accept the gifts if they agree.


Engagement
Once the family accepts the proposal, another day will be picked for their engagement. The ceremony will be held at the lady's house. On that particular day, the man's family has to send Khatag and other gifts to every member of the lady's family. Both their parents and two witnesses will participate in the ceremony. After the exchange of gifts, one witness will read the duplicate betrothal contracts and the other will check them after that. They will then sign the contracts with the seals of the two families and pass them to both sides. Finally the lady's family will hold a banquet to celebrate the occasion. At the end of the banquet, each guest will be presented with Khatag upon leaving.


Wedding
Before the wedding, the lady's family will choose an auspicious day to send dowry to the man. A small steel statue of Bodhisattva, a roll of sutra along with a stupa, believed to be the dowry of Princess Wencheng of the Tang Dynasty (618 - 907) when she married the palmary Songtsen Gampo (742 - 798), remain as the essential articles. The man's family, on the other hand, has to send a set of costumes to the lady for her wedding on the wedding eve.


On the wedding day, the groom's family will invite a person with good reputation and a group of riders to fetch the bride. A well-decorated pregnant horse with color suitable with the bride's zodiac attributes is also brought along for the bride. A colored arrow (covered in a five-colored Khatag), matched with a mirror, precious jade and some jewels will also be taken. Upon entering the bride's house, the colored arrow will be placed onto the back collar of the bride. The jade piece is placed onto her head to symbolize that she belongs to the groom's family. When the bride leaves, her family will take the colored arrow and a gigot upstairs and shout repeatedly 'Don't take our good luck away' until she is out of sight.

Khatag, a kind of offtering and gift in Tibet


The convoy is usually led by the astrologist, who wears a white gown. He rides on a white horse and holds a picture of the Nine Courts and Eight Diagrams. Following behind are the welcoming group, the bride, accompanied by a woman on her side, and finally members of the groom at the end. The whole team sings loudly all the way while the bride weeps due to her separation from her family.


Before the arrival of the bride, the groom would have the gate decorated and a cushion of barleys laid in front of his house. The cushion is covered with a piece of colorful embroidered cloth, on the top of which are some kernels in the shape of the propitious swastika. His family members welcome the bride with chang and chemar (a propitious funneled box with barleys and Tsambas separately put inside and butter sculptures stuck onto). Upon arrival at the groom's house, the bride has to tramp on the road with barleys and tea leaves, symbolizing the harvest she is bringing into the family. After accepting the Khatag presented by the groom, she enters the house. The bride and groom will then sit together in the living room to receive good wishes, Khatag and other gifts from guests. Then the newly wed are sent to their room, where lamas recite sutras to bless them. The family holds a banquet for the guests. Friends and relatives will sing and dance to celebrate. During the night, they will play funny games to tease the couple. For some rich families, the banquet may go on for 3 days or more.


Returning Home
Usually 3 or 6 months after the marriage, the newly wed will visit the bride's parents. The bride's family has to prepare barleys, swastika pictures and others to welcome them and exchange Khatag, yak butter tea, chemar and other gifts with each other. Only then is the whole marriage ceremony considered completed.


Raping Bride
'Raping Bride' is a custom which used to be widespread in Tibet. The custom came about as a result of youngsters finding their own love but marriage was always put off or delayed by the parents concerned. The way it worked was that the woman would pass by a road where the man and his friends were hiding, as planned. She then pretended to struggle when the men jumped on her and naturally, she would end up as the captive.


This custom is typically practiced in the Tsang regions. Other regions may have a different practice somewhat. A groom may reside in the bride's house after marriage in Tibet. Moreover, men and women nowadays have more freedom in choosing their partners. Even cars were used in some places, replacing the old practice of using horses. However, the traditional ceremonies are still being followed more or less.

Comments and Questions

then shall I propose her? but at what time means in which situation should I propose her( at Wt time tibetian girl mood so gud(romantic) )...and hw should I propose her.....? plz tell me bro...m loving her so much.....

Reply

12/29/2012 12:07:00 AM

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Asked by pradeep patil (India)

You can propose her any tiem when you well prepared. You can use any way. The most important is your true heart.

12/29/2012 6:56:00 PM

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Jack

I had proposed her on that day only , but she rejected it and told that dont msg & call me henceforth.... so Wt can do bro...... plz tell me....

1/1/2013 6:55:00 PM

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pradeep patil ( India )

hey man, if you really love her, try again and maybe it is not a good time, maybe try later, like after your graduation.

1/1/2013 7:03:00 PM

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James

I m pradeep patil and I belongs to Hindu LINGAYAT religion...I m loving a Tibet girl were she studying in our college only... I m loving her so much and I think she also loving me...I m wants to marry her....so what should I do for her...plz tell me bro.....

Reply

12/27/2012 12:32:00 PM

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Asked by pradeep patil (India)

what about a propose?

12/27/2012 5:33:00 PM

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Cheryl

not yet proposed her... bcz m scaring whether she was reject it....so what can I do, plz suggest me frnd.. .. because I m loving her a lot....

12/28/2012 6:20:00 PM

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pradeep patil ( India )

how do u know she will reject you even without a try? if you really love her.or how about a gift?

12/28/2012 6:24:00 PM

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Cheryl

Hey
I am tibetan,now learning english in Qinghai province,i would like to know a good web to learn english,can you advise me one
thank you very much

Reply

3/29/2012 11:51:00 PM

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Asked by Yake (China)

hi Yake,
www.putclub.com is a good one, and the official website of Chinadaily is also helpful.

3/30/2012 6:58:00 PM

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Vic

if you want we can chat and you cam learn english

12/21/2012 8:40:00 PM

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Pedro Renda ( Portugal )

Hi All is there anyway one can stay with a tibetan family and learn their culture?

Reply

3/5/2012 12:35:00 PM

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Asked by Ankush Dey (India)

going to the college there, doing business in Tibet, or maybe marry someone in Tibet:)

3/5/2012 6:11:00 PM

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Hebe

What about the accessories used during the wedding? And the Superstitions and beliefs? Please? I need this information so much!

Reply

7/19/2011 7:52:00 AM

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Asked by Anon

hii pema, you thought are really need to appreciate,and why don,t you asked your frn to wore a tibetan chupa having a light grey,,,it,s gud n moreover it,ll work, want to intract with you pema, tsetan

Reply

3/22/2011 2:52:00 PM

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Asked by tensin tsetan (India)

i want to marry a tibetan girl is it lawfully supported in india

Reply

1/6/2011 12:44:00 AM

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Asked by prem (India)

I think you can, and you may contact your local foreign affairs office for details.

1/6/2011 8:09:00 PM

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Lisa

im in a relationship wit a tibetian guy...i luv him so much bt im scared dat wen it comes to marriage...he might choose a tibetian girl..?? c u suggest me smthing 2 impress him.

Reply

12/2/2010 5:06:00 PM

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Asked by Angie (India)

wow, good for you.
not very sure, but i once heard that Tibetan people love singing and dancing.
why don't you try to sing a beautiful song for him~~

12/2/2010 9:12:00 PM

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Juno

tell him how much u care and love stupid gal,i will pray for ur good luck!

12/9/2010 4:10:00 AM

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tenzin ( United States )

AM SARAN I WANT TO MARRY A TIBETAN GIRL. AM AN INDIAN. PLS CONTACT ME IN THIS NO +919025575458 OR SEND U R CONTACT DETAILS FOR MY INFORMATION PLS PLS PLS

Reply

10/16/2010 12:15:00 PM

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Asked by SARAN (India)

HI
I AM BELONG TO SINO TIBETEAN FROM BALTISTAN. I WANT TO VISIT TIBET AND LERAN TO WRITE THE TIBETEAN LANGAUHE. LEZ GUAID ME

Reply

6/13/2010 1:33:00 AM

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Asked by IZTIRAB (Pakistan)

if you want to visit Tibet, you may contact a travel agency and go with a tour to Tibet.

6/16/2010 8:11:00 PM

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Bella